Vaginismus happens when the muscles of the pelvic floor tighten involuntarily in response to attempted penetration. This can make sex, tampon use, pelvic exams, or even the idea of penetration feel painful, difficult, or sometimes impossible.

This response is not something you are choosing. It is a protective reflex. Your body is responding to perceived threat, discomfort, fear, or anticipation of pain, often faster than your thinking mind can keep up.

When I work with clients around intimacy, desire, and sexual health, I often recommend books as companions to therapy. The right book can offer validation, new language for complex experiences, and a gentle reminder that you’re not alone in your journey.

In the early stages of a relationship, everything can feel electric. You can’t stop thinking about your partner, every touch feels charged, and desire seems to flow effortlessly. This intoxicating rush is often called the “honeymoon phase,” and it’s not just poetry—it’s biology. Yet as much as we might wish it could last forever, the honeymoon phase naturally softens over time. What often emerges in its place is something deeper and steadier: attachment, comfort, and a more secure connection.

Pain during penetrative sex is more common than many people realize. Yet because it’s rarely talked about, it can feel deeply isolating. Many of the women I work with who experience pelvic pain describe feeling “broken,” or fearing that intimacy and pleasure will always be out of reach. The truth is, you are not alone — pelvic pain is very real and often treatable.

One of the most common worries I hear in therapy is: “Why has my sex drive changed? Something must be wrong with me.” The truth is, fluctuations in sexual desire are completely normal. Your sex drive isn’t a fixed trait—it’s responsive, shaped by stress, hormones, context, and the dynamics of your relationships. Understanding this can ease a lot of the shame and pressure, and open the door to curiosity instead of self-criticism.