5 Books to Spark Honest Conversations About Sex
When I work with clients around intimacy, desire, and sexual health, I often recommend books as companions to therapy. The right book can provide validation, offer new language for complex experiences, and remind you that you’re not alone in your journey.
Below are five of my favorite titles that I return to again and again. Each explores a unique angle within the field of sexual health—from understanding desire, to challenging cultural myths, to addressing sexual pain. My hope is that one (or more) of these finds a home on your “to be read” list, and that it helps facilitate meaningful conversations.
1) Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
Emily Nagoski translates the science of desire into compassionate, practical wisdom. She reminds us that there isn’t one singular version of “normal” or “healthy” when it comes to sexuality. Instead, she helps readers explore how our bodies respond to stress, safety, and context—and how these factors can either nurture or inhibit our sexual well-being. Bonus: I highly recommend listening to the audiobook, which Nagoski narrates herself.
This book might be for you if:
You feel like your desire has faded and you don’t understand why
Feel shame or worry that you aren’t “normal” compared to your partner or cultural expectations
You and your partner want to rediscover pleasure with less pressure and more curiosity
You didn’t receive a proper sex education and want a digestible, affirming way to learn about your (or your partner’s) body and sexual health
2) Mind the Gap by Dr. Karen Gurney
Dr. Karen Gurney brings honesty, inclusivity, and a refreshing perspective to conversations about sex. She zeroes in on the “pleasure gap” (the inequality in how often different genders experience pleasure and orgasm) and explains how cultural scripts, outdated expectations, and silence can prevent people from having the sex they want.
This book might be for you if:
You and your partner want to move beyond silence or guessing games and start having open, practical conversations about what feels good
You’ve noticed that cultural messages are shaping how you approach intimacy, and you want tools to change that
You value evidence-based insights but also want them presented in a friendly, down-to-earth way
You’re ready to rethink old ideas about what sex “should” look like and embrace a view of intimacy built on equality, communication, and pleasure
3) Better Sex Through Mindfulness by Dr. Lori Brotto
Dr. Lori Brotto takes on one of the most common challenges I hear in my practice: feeling distracted, anxious, or “stuck in your head” during sex. Drawing from years of research with women experiencing low desire and arousal difficulties, she shows how mindfulness practices can help people reconnect with their bodies, focus on sensation, and quiet the mental chatter that gets in the way of intimacy. What I love about this book is how practical it is—you don’t need to be a seasoned meditator to benefit from the exercises. Bonus: Dr. Brotto has a series of guided meditation audio recordings on her website.
This book might be for you if:
You often feel distracted, self-conscious, or anxious during sex and want tools to feel more present
You’ve noticed that stress or a busy mind interferes with your ability to enjoy intimacy
You’re curious about how mindfulness can be applied outside of yoga or meditation apps and into real-life sexual experiences
You want simple, research-backed practices that can improve not just your sex life, but also your overall sense of embodiment
4) Becoming Cliterate by Dr. Laurie Mintz
Laurie Mintz tackles the “orgasm gap” with humor, science, and unapologetic candor. She dismantles the cultural myths that have left many women feeling inadequate or ashamed of their sexual experiences, while also giving readers concrete strategies to reclaim their pleasure. This book is as validating as it is practical, helping women and their partners shift focus from performance to authentic, fulfilling intimacy.
This book might be for you if:
You’ve ever felt pressure, shame, or confusion around orgasm
You’re a woman who wants to understand your body more fully and advocate for your pleasure
You’re a partner who wants to better understand female sexual response and support it with curiosity and care
You want a mix of research, cultural critique, and hands-on advice that makes pleasure feel both normal and non-negotiable
5) When Sex Hurts by Dr. Andrew Goldstein, Dr. Caroline Pukall, and Dr. Irwin Goldstein
Sexual pain is much more common than most people realize, and yet it is often misunderstood, minimized, or dismissed. When Sex Hurts is one of the most comprehensive and compassionate resources for people experiencing pain during intimacy. It explains possible causes such as vaginismus, vulvodynia, endometriosis, and pelvic floor dysfunction, while outlining treatment options and offering reassurance that pain is real, valid, and treatable. This book gives both individuals and couples a roadmap for seeking support and advocating for the care they deserve.
This book might be for you if:
You experience pain during intercourse and have felt dismissed, confused, or unsupported by providers
You want to understand the possible medical and psychological causes of sexual pain
You’re looking for validation that pain is not “in your head” and that there are treatment paths available
You’re a partner who wants to learn how to offer understanding and support to your loved one with pelvic pain without adding pressure
If one of these titles spoke to you, let it be a spark for deeper exploration. Sexual well-being isn’t about doing things “right”—it’s about curiosity, connection, and finding joy in the process. I’d be honored to walk alongside you on that journey.
